笑死

「如果一個理髮師，他只為不為自己理髮的人理髮。各位同學：這樣他會否為自己理髮呢。

如果他只為不為自己理髮的人理髮，他會為自己理髮。如果他為自己理髮，他就不是一個不為自己理髮的人，他就不會為自己理髮。這也是悖論。

人以為自己的思考和諧、美麗、敏感、優雅。但人卻陷入自己的邏輯思考裏面，不能自拔。

人以為自己解決問題，人卻在解決問題的當兒，創造更大的問題。

人還以為自己的思辯能力為最大呢。......」


— 黃碧雲 · 《七種靜默》

* * *

猶太諺語謂：人一思考，上帝就發笑。假如上帝真的已死，告訴尼采，祂大概是笑死的。

Prep

Another helping of Curtis Sittenfeld after American Wife. Prep is actually Sittenfeld's first novel, and it received mixed reviews - while it was applauded for its strong detail and narration, others criticized it for its weak plot. As I was taken through the life of an ordinary teenage girl in Ault, a prestigious and competitive boarding school near Boston, I was over and over again struck by a number of convincing dialogues (or monologues, rather) - they echoed certain encounters and thoughts of my own so vividly that the experience was almost creepy. I have noted down in here some quotes from the book that have touched a chord; given that they have been quoted out of context, there is a chance they do not appear as persuasive as in the story itself.

Notwithstanding that Prep may be light on plot, it is a truthful, if not cruel, account of issues arising from class, race, sex, family and people that a young girl has to handle in a privileged yet possibly suffocating environment. A word of advice to local parents therefore: before rushing to queue for a place for your child at Harrow School in Tuen Mun, read Prep - at least you'd know what the huge bills may be paying for, and what your child may be learning other than pretentiousness.

* * *

"I was worried someone would notice me, and then when no one did, I felt lonely."

"I'd researched boarding schools at the public library and written away for catalogs myself. Their glossy pages showed photographs of teenagers in wool sweaters singing hymns in the chapel, gripping lacrosse sticks, intently regarding a math equation written across the chalkboard. I had traded away my family for this glossiness."

"I imagined that if I left South Blend, I would meet a melancholy, athletic boy who liked to read as much as I did and on overcast Sundays we would take walks together wearing wool sweaters."

"If I wasn't literally getting dumber, I knew at least that I'd lost the glow that surrounds you when the teacher think you're one of the smart, responsible ones, that glow that shines brighter every time you raise your hand in class to say the perfect thing, or you run out of room in a blue book during an exam and have to ask for a second one."

"I think, looking back, that this was the single best thing about Ault, the sense of possibility."

"It was more when things slowed down, during the parts when you were supposed to have fun, that my lack of friends felt obvious..."

"I believed then that if you had a good encounter with a person, it was best not to see them again for as long as possible lest you taint the previous interaction."

"Of course, now I wonder where I had gotten the idea that for you to participate in a gathering, the other people had to really, really want you to be there and that anything short of rabid enthusiasm on their part meant you'd be a nuisance. Where had I gotten the idea that being a nuisance was that big a deal?"

"I thought maybe this was why you told stories to other people - for how their possibilities enlarged in the retelling."

"But making a lot of money didn't seem like something I'd be able to control; I'd gotten as far as Ault, but I wasn't sure I'd get any further. I wasn't smart or disciplined the way those kids were, I wasn't driven. Presumably, I'd always be aware of lives like these without living one; I couldn't confuse familiarity with entitlement."

"I hated them [family] because they thought I was the same as they were, because if they were right, it would mean I'd failed myself, and because if they were wrong, it would mean I had betrayed them."

"Later, after Ault, I reinvented myself - not overnight but little by little. Ault had taught me everything I needed to know about attracting and alienating people, what the exact measurements ought to be of confidence and self-depracation, humor, disclosure, inquisitiveness; even, finally, of enthusiasm."

"I've never since Ault been in a place where everyone wants the same things; minus a universal currency, it's not always clear to me what I myself want. And anyway, no one's watching to see whether or not you get what you're after -- if at Ault I'd felt mostly unnoticed, I'd also, at certain moments, felt scrutinized. After Ault, I was unaccounted for."

-- Curtis Sittenfeld, Prep

售貨員

那個下午街上熱得像個蒸籠，我想避一下暑便隨意走進一間小小的服裝店胡亂逛逛，卻在售貨員的慫恿下拿了一襲衣裳進更衣室，試上身後對售貨員的跨獎信以為真，迷迷糊糊的拿了信用卡出來簽賬，竟又給售貨員讚美我的簽名優雅 -- 真要命，讚穿衣好看還好，簽名卻是很個人的一回事，一讚還得了-- 我說不，敝簽名太簡單，太容易被冒簽啦，她再說一遍但真的很優雅啊，好像很由衷的樣子，教天真的我歡喜了一個下午。許久沒遇過這麼棒的售貨員了；今時今日，其實很需要這樣令人賓至如歸的服務態度呢。

Bells

Bells in Hallgrimskirkja, a church in Iceland


I often find it interesting how different civilizations, without communicating with each other in their early stages, came up with more or less the same concepts - for example, marriage as an institution, family as a unit of society; fairy tales, ghost stories; kings, slaves...

But it was only until recently that I realized how bells enjoy a similar sort of universal existence. Bells, I have discovered, are found in churches in the West as much as they appear in temples in the East. Indeed, bells are often connected with religion in different cultures. I find that rather intriguing.

Perhaps a common use of bells is to summon the congregation at the hours of worship. They therefore also serve as reminders of the time, like in clock towers. However, I have also read that chimes from bells are also supposed to make us mindful of the moment as we hear them - to pause, and perhaps to think, but more importantly just to pause - so often are we carried away by our troubles, our desires and the quick pace of life that we are not mindful of our own existence or of the moment.

The purity and simplicity of chimes help us crystallize our thoughts and feel for an instant of inner peace. These days, "mindful living" is becoming chic. There are even "mindfulness bells", downloadable from the web - essentially an audio clock that can be set to chime at regular intervals or randomly, and can be used in the office or at home. It is used to aid meditation and the practice of mindful living by reminding us to pause on the chime.

影藝重開

臺北光點電影院


影藝重開，真教影迷興奮！我後知後覺，最近才發現；但原來影藝自四月起已在九龍灣重現了。

影藝06年在灣仔結業，一晃眼已快三年。回想讀中學的時候，我看電影最愛「蒲」影藝，喜歡那裏人少，偌大的影院裏只有小貓三四隻，各人靜靜地看，不用擔心鄰座會有人不識趣地沙啦沙啦的把零食袋子撕開，也不用忍受聰明過頭的觀眾在後排預告劇情。看到感人處，讓眼淚俏俏地流下，待淚痕在冷氣中揮發，不必像在如飛機經濟客位一般擠的其他電影院裏，恐防給陌生的鄰座看見。多少個周末下午，少年的我躲在影藝黑暗的一角，體味光影中的悲歡離合和人生歷練，到散場重見天日時，輕歎一聲，以為自己懂了很多。

寫到這裏，赫然發覺我現在對灣仔影藝的回憶，就如父執輩對灣仔以前的東城、麗都、京都、國泰的懷念；大概每一代的人都有屬於他們的電影院吧。

當大部分的影院都已採用電腦印刷的門票時，影藝仍保留用人手劃位、由售票員撕給你的那種戲票；我還保存了一兩張，許多年後可能很值錢呢。

重開的影藝，入口仍未裝修好，但富時代感的裝潢，並不似灣仔的影藝。幸好我去當日，仍是偌大的影院裏只有小貓三四隻，讓我重拾那種久違了的靜靜享受電影的感覺。美中不足的是，帶位員的素質有待改善 -- 好幾次她都自顧自盯著銀幕，而竟然不察覺有人進了來，讓觀眾要自己摸黑找了一會，她才追上來，真是。

希望影藝不要再關門，能一直開下去！

The unspoken no

MCGREGOR: Do you believe in God, sir?

HANKS: Father, I simply believe that religion -

MCGREGOR: I did not ask you if you believe what man says about God. I asked you if you believe in God.

HANKS: I’m an academic. My mind tells me I will never understand God.

MCGREGOR: And your heart?

HANKS: Tells me I’m not meant to. Faith is a gift that I have yet to receive.

-- Angels & Demons

* * *

I find the film just so-so , but you've got to love these lines.

給YT

許多年後，當他坐擁甚麼門、甚麼山、甚麼碧海藍天的豪宅時，總有一刻，在夜闌人靜的那麼一剎那，正為一單大deal 、孩子的入學或老婆的囉嗦而心煩的時候，憶起年少輕狂的歲月：在大學時代， 那時還未真正懂得人生的甜酸苦辣，卻曾經有這樣的一位女孩，對自己真心地發過山盟海誓；雖然可能有些一廂情願，但那種純潔堅定，比起身旁熟睡的女人手指上的鑽戒，更來得耀眼 -- 周遭的千萬豪裝和潮服，突然變得庸俗不堪。 午夜夢迴，惆悵往往令人措手不及， 因為，這叫人生。