煲冬瓜

中環方向的荃灣線列車駛進金鐘月台，車門打開之際，聽到背後一道洪亮的男聲說:
「姐雷絲康鋼，尼都堆 mean 於枱...」
(這裡是香港，你到對面月台...)
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轉頭一看，原來是在教一排自由行搭車。這位大叔煲冬瓜，妙在用廣東話發音，配上普通話的聲調，我幾乎沒笑彎了腰! 最要命的，是他那份自信，令我笑他也笑得不好意思!
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不過講真，學外語，就如耶穌所說，不要怕，只要信；信自己，放膽講，講得多，自然掂。真的。講錯總好過口窒窒，唔敢講。就怪我沒早點明白這個道理。

Vero

The entrance to this chocolatier is hidden in the Fleet Arcade at Fenwick Pier and is easy to miss. The elevator leads to a dimly lit lounge that is less embellished than expected. The large windows overlook the Tamar construction site, which will house the future government headquarters. The highlight is probably the atelier into which one can see from the seating area the chefs at work. The shop displays various products including custom made chocolate thins with customers' company logos printed on them.

Tried a rosemary cheesecake but the herb didn't sit too well with the dessert. Didn't get round to exploring their whiskey and chocolate pairing, which seemed interesting. The place was rather empty for a Saturday evening...

記憶偷襲

記憶，真的像路軌一樣長嗎？

記憶是很奇怪的東西 , 它會在你沒有防備下偷襲；但你要記起點甚麼的時候 , 它又偏不合作 。雖是腦袋的一部分 , 但你就是不能控制它 , 它要讓你記起甚麼，不記起甚麼 , 你也拿它沒法。

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例如那個星期一 , 朋友問我在周末做了甚麼 , 我的腦袋一片空白。想呀想，想了許久，才想起周末跟女孩子吃了下午茶，跟男孩子看了場電影。不過是前一天的事，卻差點完全記不起來。

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又例如那次搭巴士。舊地重遊，回憶湧現，兩年前的種種，以為已在繁忙的生活裡流失，卻原來一旦接上某些駁線，即觸發記憶檔案開啟。你捉過我的手，放在胸前，說把心交了給我。巴士沿斜路向上爬，眼淚沿臉頰往下流。大概嚇怕了身旁的乘客呢。

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考試、用提款卡、按大廈門口密碼、每天登入辦工室電腦的時候，都是考驗記憶的時候。夜闌人靜、聽到某段音樂、嗅到某種味道、觸景生情的時候，卻是記憶考驗我們的時候。有說，人生因記憶才有意義。不知道失憶的人，是否總覺得好像沒有活過一樣？

Youth

From top: Jules and Jim, Bay of Angels and Chloe

Some thoughts following a few films watched this month. The inconvenient truth, especially for women, is that youth matters very much indeed.

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In Jules and Jim, Jeanne Moreau plays a young and attractive, impulsive if not random woman who spends her lifetime hopping from man to man. So skilled is she at playing the game of romance that she manages to have her husband almost begging his best friend to go after her when their marriage breaks down, so that she would be close by - the husband cannot bear to have her walk out of his life. Hence the incredible threesome in the house. The light touch of the film only emphasizes the fragility and ridicule of relationships. It reminds me of Gloomy Sunday, a film on an incredulous consensual threesome set in Nazi Budapest.

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Contrast Bay of Angels, in which Jeanne Moreau is a hopelessly addicted gambler, a woman with a history; to her youth is a thing of the past. And while the character appears in the film in style, and Jeanne Moreau plays the role beautifully, one cannot help feeling sorry for the fatigue with life felt by a woman of her age. In Jules and Jim, you can smell the freedom and abundance of time that come with youth. It therefore comes as a surprise that Bay of Angels was only made a year after Jules and Jim - yet the same actress acted twenty years older.

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Chloe is about seduction, suspicion and infidelity. Julianne Moore plays the wife who suspects her charismatic professor husband Liam Neeson has an affair with his student. She hires a girl half of her age (Amanda Seyfried) to seduce her husband to test his fidelity, but which all turn out to be a mistake. A scene still strikes me: when Julianne Moore confesses to her husband the scheme of seduction, she collapses and reveals how insecure she feels every day when she looks into the mirror and sees herself getting old - she "does not know how to seduce him anymore". I stirred. I imagined myself listening to that line say ten or twenty years later weeping.

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The conundrum is that by the time we gain the wisdom to treasure youth, youth has passed. By definition, youth is when one has the luxury not to treasure anything at all.

朝鮮聯想

《阿里郎》大型團體操

保安局最近將泰國旅遊警告由黑色調至紅色；朝鮮半島局勢緊張，可不見當局發出韓國旅遊警告。若非警覺性不足，便是無人把南北韓打仗一事當真。可天安艦事件這麼一鬧，倒也費了「阿爺」不少唇舌。

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朝鮮充滿神秘色彩，自有其對另類遊客的吸引力。記得曾聽過一個旅遊講座，講者是個年輕女孩，隻身跑到內地東北地區參加往朝鮮的旅行團，回來分享種種驚險經歷，還有她繞過邊境檢查的偷拍照片（當地除少數官方特許地點外，一律不准拍照）；我們雖是舒舒服服的坐在冷氣房，聽到好幾處也緊張得替她捏一把汗。

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我還記得她形容當地人民怎樣清一色的穿官方發給的素服；每人每月獲發約數十元港幣的工資，以致另人懷疑，地下鐵站來往的人們，是否都是演路人的職員，因為達兩三港元的車票，相對人民的收入，幾乎是負擔不來的；當地人怎樣似乎相當滿足於萬事有政府安排的生活；還有那由十萬人表演的《阿里郎》大型團體操，背景轉動的巨型畫面，原來是由無數的參演人員把顏色書翻頁拼湊而成的！

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又想起早前在報上讀到沈旭暉《你會入讀金日成綜合大學嗎?》一文，談及其朋友在當地讀大學的親身經歷，破解了神秘國度的一些流言，非常有趣：

http://news.sina.com.hk/cgi-bin/nw/show.cgi/13/1/1/1480311/1.html

Wash your pants when dirty

I bought a pair of Puma pants the other day (in fact, I am wearing them right now) and tagged on them together with the price tag is a pile of little cards carrying Puma's "corporate message". It's all serious business. Under the page "sports lifestyle", the four points highlighted (with diagram illustration) are:

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Love your neighbour

Eat more greens

Cheer up it might never happen

Wash this when dirty

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Wow.

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And under the page "women", the pants are stated to be suitable for:

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Standing at a bus stop

A fun night out

Serious sporting use

Meeting an Ex for tea (by the way why is "Ex" capitalized?)

Some light gardening

Whatever

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Thanks Puma for the suggestions!

一個年代，兩部電影

六十年代想必是非常令人懷緬的吧，不然怎麼有兩部正上畫的中西電影，都以之為時代背景，教我這八十後對那個年代悠然神往。

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看歲月神偷，莫名奇妙的只管哭，真是眼淺。看到任達華罵大兒子兩科不合格，大概勾起記憶深處自己小時候被罵，弱小心靈受創那種不快經歷吧，眼淚直流。然候，小兒子嚎哭叫嚷，要吃整個月餅，鼻子又是一酸。哥哥剛挨完罵，卻還抱起弟弟安慰，呵他不要哭，手足情深，又令我眼濕濕。

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雖然我不是生於六十年代，但總算在殖民地時代成長；電影描述那時代的種種，也喚起了我的童年回憶，例如醫院的彩磚地板，很懷舊很親切，是我小時候在冰室所見的那種，在學校小教堂也見過。李治廷演的優異男生，聰敏善良，文武相全；那個年代，好像沒有電車男草食男的這些問題。還有教會學校的法文班與少數族裔學生，跟那種精英主義的氣氛，是熟悉的，正是我讀小學時所見。後來，班上的法文班同學漸漸都走了，換上的人口面貌是內地新移民。我不是歧視，但歲片提醒了我時代的變遷；風雲際會，造成香港獨特的歷史，不勝唏噓。

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看過電影之後，讀了些坊間的評論。有好些批評電影美化了港英年代，淡化67年暴動，擁抱精英主義，未能全面反映社會面貌；對一些社會議題，只輕輕帶過，如貧富懸殊跨階層戀愛的矛盾，未有正面回應，只用死亡化解。我想，要不是電影得了個水晶熊獎，是沒有那麼多人那麼認真分析的。也許，如過歲月神偷的橋是度出來的，我也會有類似的批評；但知道歲片是導演個人經歷，包括喪兄一段，我放過了它，不質疑它的橋段了。況且，我覺得電影把各種真摯情感，實在拍得感人。

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同是六十年代的故事，單身男人卻帶來很不同的感覺。懷舊的氣氛仍是有的，盡見於細節之中，Bayer 藥樽，General Electric 時鐘，Benz房車，都找來那個年代的版本；當然還有女士們恤得一絲不茍的頭髮，經典的時裝；大學課上的煙霧彌漫，學生們的嘻皮士look與頹靡眼神。製作是精美的（當然，單片的財力應比歲片雄厚）；蒙太奇的效果亦不錯，只是略嫌多了一點點。

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但單身男人沒有歲月神偷那種本地薑的熟悉感覺，反而是摩登的，因為那時的洛杉磯已相當前衛。而且，單片也許是比歲片有野心的，不獨是個人經歷的回味，而是探討人生的意義，其哲學意味，不必用六十年代作背景；但那時代確是加了些feel，也對同性戀議題賦予多一重時代意義。

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男主角的同性愛人車禍喪生，痛失摯愛後經常憶起以前共處的一幕幕情景，那種 memory flashback 後回到現實的苦痛，拍得很好，正是失戀後久不久想起美好回憶心頭一震但其實現在是空的那種感覺。沒有愛人，男主角不想活了，排練過吞槍自殺（正是小說1Q84裏Tamaru教青豆用的那種由喉嚨向腦袋開槍的最有把握成事的自殺方法），動作滑稽，令人笑中有淚。

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不過最感人的要數男主角與女好友/前女友相濡以沫的一段。女的仍追念舊情，無奈男的不好此道，亦對喪生愛人不能忘懷。但男人知道女人需要他，仍盡量多陪她，兩人談天跳舞是很投契的，那是種很特別的情誼。女的埋怨被前夫（不是男主角，而是另有其人）拋棄，兒子又遠走高飛，所愛的人（男主角）不愛自己，有朋友但他們不需要自己，沒生存意義，很悲涼的自白；男的自己思偶成鬱，徘徊自殺邊緣，卻不透露半句，反而教訓女的要好好活。兩人隨即由沈重的對話轉為自嘲，真是百般滋味，是有人生歷練的人才能演的好的一幕戲。

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Colin Firth自演Mr Darcy後，官仔骨骨形象深入民心，今次演中年同性戀者可謂一大突破。最後要提的，是單片描繪同性戀似乎較斷背山有說服力 -- 這可能因為導演Tom Ford自己是同道中人吧？