Side Lessons from Phaedo

"What is this worst of all evils, Socrates?" asked Cebes.

"That the soul of every man is compelled, through experiencing some extreme pleasure or pain, to imagine that whatever most strongly arouses such feelings is most vivid and real -- although, of course, it is not..."

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"Misanthropy comes from putting complete confidence in someone without having understanding, and supposing that the fellow is absolutely true and sound and trust-worthy, and then a little later on finding that he is bad and untrustworthy -- and then doing the same with someone else; and when you have experienced this several times, and particularly at the hands of those whom you might consider your nearest and dearest friends, you finally, after many rebuffs, come to hate all men and to suppose that there is nothing sound in anyone at all...

Then is it not wrong...and clear that such a person is trying to deal with his fellow-men without being an expert in human nature? If he had been an expert, he would have held the correct view, that there are few perfectly good men and few utterly bad, but very many in between."

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-- Plato, Phaedo

煲冬瓜

中環方向的荃灣線列車駛進金鐘月台，車門打開之際，聽到背後一道洪亮的男聲說:
「姐雷絲康鋼，尼都堆 mean 於枱...」
(這裡是香港，你到對面月台...)
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轉頭一看，原來是在教一排自由行搭車。這位大叔煲冬瓜，妙在用廣東話發音，配上普通話的聲調，我幾乎沒笑彎了腰! 最要命的，是他那份自信，令我笑他也笑得不好意思!
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不過講真，學外語，就如耶穌所說，不要怕，只要信；信自己，放膽講，講得多，自然掂。真的。講錯總好過口窒窒，唔敢講。就怪我沒早點明白這個道理。

Vero

The entrance to this chocolatier is hidden in the Fleet Arcade at Fenwick Pier and is easy to miss. The elevator leads to a dimly lit lounge that is less embellished than expected. The large windows overlook the Tamar construction site, which will house the future government headquarters. The highlight is probably the atelier into which one can see from the seating area the chefs at work. The shop displays various products including custom made chocolate thins with customers' company logos printed on them.

Tried a rosemary cheesecake but the herb didn't sit too well with the dessert. Didn't get round to exploring their whiskey and chocolate pairing, which seemed interesting. The place was rather empty for a Saturday evening...

記憶偷襲

記憶，真的像路軌一樣長嗎？

記憶是很奇怪的東西 , 它會在你沒有防備下偷襲；但你要記起點甚麼的時候 , 它又偏不合作 。雖是腦袋的一部分 , 但你就是不能控制它 , 它要讓你記起甚麼，不記起甚麼 , 你也拿它沒法。

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例如那個星期一 , 朋友問我在周末做了甚麼 , 我的腦袋一片空白。想呀想，想了許久，才想起周末跟女孩子吃了下午茶，跟男孩子看了場電影。不過是前一天的事，卻差點完全記不起來。

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又例如那次搭巴士。舊地重遊，回憶湧現，兩年前的種種，以為已在繁忙的生活裡流失，卻原來一旦接上某些駁線，即觸發記憶檔案開啟。你捉過我的手，放在胸前，說把心交了給我。巴士沿斜路向上爬，眼淚沿臉頰往下流。大概嚇怕了身旁的乘客呢。

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考試、用提款卡、按大廈門口密碼、每天登入辦工室電腦的時候，都是考驗記憶的時候。夜闌人靜、聽到某段音樂、嗅到某種味道、觸景生情的時候，卻是記憶考驗我們的時候。有說，人生因記憶才有意義。不知道失憶的人，是否總覺得好像沒有活過一樣？

Youth

From top: Jules and Jim, Bay of Angels and Chloe

Some thoughts following a few films watched this month. The inconvenient truth, especially for women, is that youth matters very much indeed.

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In Jules and Jim, Jeanne Moreau plays a young and attractive, impulsive if not random woman who spends her lifetime hopping from man to man. So skilled is she at playing the game of romance that she manages to have her husband almost begging his best friend to go after her when their marriage breaks down, so that she would be close by - the husband cannot bear to have her walk out of his life. Hence the incredible threesome in the house. The light touch of the film only emphasizes the fragility and ridicule of relationships. It reminds me of Gloomy Sunday, a film on an incredulous consensual threesome set in Nazi Budapest.

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Contrast Bay of Angels, in which Jeanne Moreau is a hopelessly addicted gambler, a woman with a history; to her youth is a thing of the past. And while the character appears in the film in style, and Jeanne Moreau plays the role beautifully, one cannot help feeling sorry for the fatigue with life felt by a woman of her age. In Jules and Jim, you can smell the freedom and abundance of time that come with youth. It therefore comes as a surprise that Bay of Angels was only made a year after Jules and Jim - yet the same actress acted twenty years older.

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Chloe is about seduction, suspicion and infidelity. Julianne Moore plays the wife who suspects her charismatic professor husband Liam Neeson has an affair with his student. She hires a girl half of her age (Amanda Seyfried) to seduce her husband to test his fidelity, but which all turn out to be a mistake. A scene still strikes me: when Julianne Moore confesses to her husband the scheme of seduction, she collapses and reveals how insecure she feels every day when she looks into the mirror and sees herself getting old - she "does not know how to seduce him anymore". I stirred. I imagined myself listening to that line say ten or twenty years later weeping.

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The conundrum is that by the time we gain the wisdom to treasure youth, youth has passed. By definition, youth is when one has the luxury not to treasure anything at all.

朝鮮聯想

《阿里郎》大型團體操

保安局最近將泰國旅遊警告由黑色調至紅色；朝鮮半島局勢緊張，可不見當局發出韓國旅遊警告。若非警覺性不足，便是無人把南北韓打仗一事當真。可天安艦事件這麼一鬧，倒也費了「阿爺」不少唇舌。

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朝鮮充滿神秘色彩，自有其對另類遊客的吸引力。記得曾聽過一個旅遊講座，講者是個年輕女孩，隻身跑到內地東北地區參加往朝鮮的旅行團，回來分享種種驚險經歷，還有她繞過邊境檢查的偷拍照片（當地除少數官方特許地點外，一律不准拍照）；我們雖是舒舒服服的坐在冷氣房，聽到好幾處也緊張得替她捏一把汗。

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我還記得她形容當地人民怎樣清一色的穿官方發給的素服；每人每月獲發約數十元港幣的工資，以致另人懷疑，地下鐵站來往的人們，是否都是演路人的職員，因為達兩三港元的車票，相對人民的收入，幾乎是負擔不來的；當地人怎樣似乎相當滿足於萬事有政府安排的生活；還有那由十萬人表演的《阿里郎》大型團體操，背景轉動的巨型畫面，原來是由無數的參演人員把顏色書翻頁拼湊而成的！

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又想起早前在報上讀到沈旭暉《你會入讀金日成綜合大學嗎?》一文，談及其朋友在當地讀大學的親身經歷，破解了神秘國度的一些流言，非常有趣：

http://news.sina.com.hk/cgi-bin/nw/show.cgi/13/1/1/1480311/1.html

Wash your pants when dirty

I bought a pair of Puma pants the other day (in fact, I am wearing them right now) and tagged on them together with the price tag is a pile of little cards carrying Puma's "corporate message". It's all serious business. Under the page "sports lifestyle", the four points highlighted (with diagram illustration) are:

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Love your neighbour

Eat more greens

Cheer up it might never happen

Wash this when dirty

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Wow.

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And under the page "women", the pants are stated to be suitable for:

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Standing at a bus stop

A fun night out

Serious sporting use

Meeting an Ex for tea (by the way why is "Ex" capitalized?)

Some light gardening

Whatever

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Thanks Puma for the suggestions!

一個年代，兩部電影

六十年代想必是非常令人懷緬的吧，不然怎麼有兩部正上畫的中西電影，都以之為時代背景，教我這八十後對那個年代悠然神往。

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看歲月神偷，莫名奇妙的只管哭，真是眼淺。看到任達華罵大兒子兩科不合格，大概勾起記憶深處自己小時候被罵，弱小心靈受創那種不快經歷吧，眼淚直流。然候，小兒子嚎哭叫嚷，要吃整個月餅，鼻子又是一酸。哥哥剛挨完罵，卻還抱起弟弟安慰，呵他不要哭，手足情深，又令我眼濕濕。

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雖然我不是生於六十年代，但總算在殖民地時代成長；電影描述那時代的種種，也喚起了我的童年回憶，例如醫院的彩磚地板，很懷舊很親切，是我小時候在冰室所見的那種，在學校小教堂也見過。李治廷演的優異男生，聰敏善良，文武相全；那個年代，好像沒有電車男草食男的這些問題。還有教會學校的法文班與少數族裔學生，跟那種精英主義的氣氛，是熟悉的，正是我讀小學時所見。後來，班上的法文班同學漸漸都走了，換上的人口面貌是內地新移民。我不是歧視，但歲片提醒了我時代的變遷；風雲際會，造成香港獨特的歷史，不勝唏噓。

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看過電影之後，讀了些坊間的評論。有好些批評電影美化了港英年代，淡化67年暴動，擁抱精英主義，未能全面反映社會面貌；對一些社會議題，只輕輕帶過，如貧富懸殊跨階層戀愛的矛盾，未有正面回應，只用死亡化解。我想，要不是電影得了個水晶熊獎，是沒有那麼多人那麼認真分析的。也許，如過歲月神偷的橋是度出來的，我也會有類似的批評；但知道歲片是導演個人經歷，包括喪兄一段，我放過了它，不質疑它的橋段了。況且，我覺得電影把各種真摯情感，實在拍得感人。

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同是六十年代的故事，單身男人卻帶來很不同的感覺。懷舊的氣氛仍是有的，盡見於細節之中，Bayer 藥樽，General Electric 時鐘，Benz房車，都找來那個年代的版本；當然還有女士們恤得一絲不茍的頭髮，經典的時裝；大學課上的煙霧彌漫，學生們的嘻皮士look與頹靡眼神。製作是精美的（當然，單片的財力應比歲片雄厚）；蒙太奇的效果亦不錯，只是略嫌多了一點點。

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但單身男人沒有歲月神偷那種本地薑的熟悉感覺，反而是摩登的，因為那時的洛杉磯已相當前衛。而且，單片也許是比歲片有野心的，不獨是個人經歷的回味，而是探討人生的意義，其哲學意味，不必用六十年代作背景；但那時代確是加了些feel，也對同性戀議題賦予多一重時代意義。

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男主角的同性愛人車禍喪生，痛失摯愛後經常憶起以前共處的一幕幕情景，那種 memory flashback 後回到現實的苦痛，拍得很好，正是失戀後久不久想起美好回憶心頭一震但其實現在是空的那種感覺。沒有愛人，男主角不想活了，排練過吞槍自殺（正是小說1Q84裏Tamaru教青豆用的那種由喉嚨向腦袋開槍的最有把握成事的自殺方法），動作滑稽，令人笑中有淚。

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不過最感人的要數男主角與女好友/前女友相濡以沫的一段。女的仍追念舊情，無奈男的不好此道，亦對喪生愛人不能忘懷。但男人知道女人需要他，仍盡量多陪她，兩人談天跳舞是很投契的，那是種很特別的情誼。女的埋怨被前夫（不是男主角，而是另有其人）拋棄，兒子又遠走高飛，所愛的人（男主角）不愛自己，有朋友但他們不需要自己，沒生存意義，很悲涼的自白；男的自己思偶成鬱，徘徊自殺邊緣，卻不透露半句，反而教訓女的要好好活。兩人隨即由沈重的對話轉為自嘲，真是百般滋味，是有人生歷練的人才能演的好的一幕戲。

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Colin Firth自演Mr Darcy後，官仔骨骨形象深入民心，今次演中年同性戀者可謂一大突破。最後要提的，是單片描繪同性戀似乎較斷背山有說服力 -- 這可能因為導演Tom Ford自己是同道中人吧？

Such beautiful lyrics...

Love this song now as much as when I first listened to it some 20 years ago, if not more. I can play the same track of the CD again and again and again...

They asked me how I knew

My true love was true

Oh, I of course replied

Something here inside cannot be denied

They said someday you'll find

All who love are blind

Oh, when your heart's on fire

You must realize

Smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed

To think they could doubt my love

And yet today my love has flown away

I am without my love

Now laughing friends deride

Tears I can not hide

Oh, so I smile and say

When a lovely flame dies

Smoke gets in your eyes

Smoke gets in your eyes

《1Q84》

趁農曆年假，讀完《1Q84》。據說，《1Q84 》是對照歐威爾的《1984》的，例如 Little People 對照 Big Brother。整體印象是，書中主角都跟周圍的人疏離，所以氣氛沉鬱。有許多性愛的場面，但都是沒有愛的性。青豆的身世與遭遇奇異，故只能欣賞作者的想像力，但未有共鳴。反而有幾處對天吾的描寫，很是傳神 。

天吾有段自白曰：「小時候的我確實是個數學神童。自己也覺得那是不簡單的才能。大家都對我另眼相看，寵愛有加。不過那個終究是，無法發展到某個有意義地步的才能。那是限於那裡有的而已。我從小就身材高大、柔道很強。在縣比賽時經常得到好成績。但是進到更寬廣的世界時，比我強的柔道選手要有多少有多少。在大學就沒有被選為全國大會的代表選手。我因此深受打擊，有一段時期變得不知道自己是什麼了。」

另一段描述天吾：「他不是眾所寄望的數學神童，也不是前途有望的柔道選手。只是補習班的講師。不過這樣天吾很高興。他在那裡終於可以喘一口氣。有生以來第一次，不必顧慮別人，可以自己一個人過自由的生活了。」但自由之中，天吾又有點迷失：「雖然本來就是沒有目標的人生，不過以前別人對他有所期望和要求，為回應那個，他的人生也就忙得團團轉。然而那要求和期待一旦消失之後，就沒留下任何值得一提的東西了。沒有人生的目的。」

另外天吾在第 8 和 24 章到療養院看父親的兩幕，相當感人；雖然都是天吾自說自話，但大抵是書中最有溫情的情節了。

老實說，我仍未完全弄清村上春樹在書中傳遞的所有象徵意義。既然書的第三部尚待出版，我即管等看完大結局，再作定論。

Shanghai

At last, I tried the maglev train in Shanghai when I visited the city last month. It was all very sleek. Electronic indicators on board showed the speed of the train, and as the train accelerated from zero to some 300 km per hour within seconds, I was only grateful that the readings did not reflect the rate of increase of my blood pressure. There was no discomfort caused by the speed at all. If the train scene was a snapshot of the city profile, Shanghai is as cosmopolitan as you can get: there were conversations in Mandarin, Cantonese, English and French within my earshot, but mind you, the train was not crowded.

In the advent of the World Expo, the city was having a face-lift. Construction work was everywhere. I was unable to view the river from the Bund. Even some tourist attractions were closed for renovation. They were surrounded by fences and covers that say "Better City, Better Life", the theme of the 2010 Expo. Allow me to be critical, but the comma in the slogan appears unnecessary. In any case, the English version of the theme has a different meaning from that of the Chinese version ("城市，讓生活更美好"), which, in my opinion, also contains a superfluous comma.

I was delighted to discover a bohemian area hidden among the alleys within a block. There were enough little shops, cafes and galleries to make one lost in the maze. I hope those secret corners will not be replaced by skyscrapers as Shanghai strives to become a better city and for a better life.

塌樓

圖一

圖二



土瓜灣的塌樓悲劇，令我想起自己許多年前的一個經歷，現在猶有馀悸。大三那年，畢業考試前約兩個星期，一個寧靜的星期天早上，我正專心地溫習筆記。忽然，轟隆一聲，彷是天塌了下來。空氣中灰塵彌漫。抬頭一看，天花板出現了一個大洞！（見圖一）天花的洞口直徑應該有半米長。後來聽說，那是因為天花內的木樑潮濕發漲，令石屎裂開跌落。
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天花塌下後，房間地上佈滿石屎碎片。（見圖二）定神回想，剛才大塊石屎擦身而降，我要是當時躺在床上，或者站過一點點，便已受傷，甚至被擊中昏倒。我受驚得不知如何反應。打開房間的門，屋內的樓梯靜悄悄的。那古老的英國房子三層高，每層有兩間房。鄰房沒有人走出來看個究竟；似乎屋內除我之外，無人知道塌天花一事。我又走回房間看一遍頹垣敗瓦。完全不知所措。
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我走到街上的電話亭，手一邊震一邊撥長途電話回家，媽一提起聽筒，我便嚷：我剛才差點死了！
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走到College找porter，鎮定情緒說了一次來龍去脈，還怕沒有人相信。Porter說，今天是星期天，辦公室沒人上班，他們愛莫能助。典型的英式efficiency。

我回到房間，竟然嘗試徒手拾起石屎塊丟進垃圾袋。原來石屎碎塊也挺重的。筆記薄薄的鋪了一層塵。我竟然還嘗試吹氣吹走一些塵。
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自己似乎清理不了房間，便走上去告訴樓上房間的同學小心，因為樓下有個洞呢。他好像卻不大擔心。現在想來，屋內其他五伙都應搬走；房子可能有倒塌危險！約了我吃中飯的同學上來，不敢相信眼前所見。我只懂傻笑。因為不知還有甚麼可以做，便出外吃了中飯再算。
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下午，porter來向我交了一條鑰匙，叫我當晚到隔壁另一棟房子一個多馀的房間睡。那總算有點良心。那天晚上，我躺在陌生的床上（床單都沒有），張眼望天花，覺得一切都不可思議。
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土瓜灣舊樓居民的徬徨心情，我是理解的。

Education

"Education, education, and education" were Tony Blair's three main priorities for government, so he said in 1996. Those who have seen Iris will remember: Judi Dench as Iris Murdoch, in reaction to Blair's speech on television, said, "John! John! Why does he keep saying that?"

It would have been good to hear what Blair had to say about the point of education. What's the point, really, for studying, asks the 17-year-old Jenny in An Education, who has just been proposed to. Emma Thompson, her principal, holds out two career options: teaching and civil service. 17-year-old has fallen for the worldly lifestyle the man twice her age offers, refuses to be bored now and bored for the rest of her life, so quits school to get ready to be married. Father of the girl sees no point in his daughter going to university now that she is "taken care of". Of course, the "fiance" turns out to have a wife already; 17-year-old realizes her mistake in time to break off the "engagement" to return to Latin and Oxford entrance exam and is eventually admitted.

But what if it weren't a con man but a perfectly wonderful husband, and they lived happily ever after? The Oxford degree wouldn't have been a lifesaver as much. What's the point of education is no easy question to answer: to be enlightened (but how many are enlightened by their degrees?) / to find happiness (but ignorance is a bliss) / for the sake of it (just like the point of living) / to get a job (but ask Donald Tsang what he plans to do with the jobless "post-eighties" who are equipped with at least associate degrees) /none of the above / all of the above...? The film title makes a pun on the fact that the girl has probably learnt more from the brief relationship than from school!

Titbits: When Jenny returns from Paris, she gives a Chanel No. 5 to Miss Stubbs, and the way the latter says "I cannot accept it" is soo similar to (oh dear) Elizabeth Bennet refusing the first propsal from Colin Firth's Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice (BBC's mini-series).

And I note from IMDb that Rosamund Pike, who plays the dumb blonde, is actually an Oxon alum.